30.8.06


yeah i passed my driving!!!! i can't believe i'm a qualified driver..lalala..all i need is a car..haha..Serene is a happy girl again (at least in the morning) I love tester Moh.:)


3:24 PM

~innocent always

22.8.06


i'm much better now, dont worry k my friends, thank you waiyin and shiqi who have shown that you girls really care for me:p hope we can meet up next week!! yeah really very long nv go out with both of u le:) i'm better with my mom le, guess there's really not much ican do now, i can force her to accept him, i guess it all depends on me myself, how i really feel and how i should not go too overboard with my requests..

today went to buy stationeries with my cousin, bot alot of coloured pens..yeah nice nice..shopping is such a good therapy..yest i also bot alot of cute stuff when i went to daiso..tomoro i have driving in the morning..(hope i can pass on the 30th...:)aft which will be going to escape or wild wild wet or somewhere fun with my cousin.yeah i'm so looking forward to this and next week.will be having the lse camp next week..driving test..and cele bday with peilin...going out with my best friends..yeah no more sitting in front of the laptop for me!..yeah today serene is a happy girl!:)

2:20 PM

~innocent always

20.8.06


where is the old serene with the smile, the vibrancy, the enthusiasm? is this me..the person who have been lazing around..sitting in front of the computer..not doing anything constructive for the entire morning..having tears welling up my eyes every min or so..why do i feel so down..so depressed..when i should be happily enjoying the few moments i have with my parents before i leave..why is this so? Gone were the smiles that naturally radiates from my heart, gone were the days when i have no worries but my studies when everything so neatly falls into place, gone were the days when my parents and i happily having lunches, dinners and heart-to-heart talks. I thoroughly miss every single bit of these..my mom has just walked into the room, passing me $450 to buy my ipod nano..it's not all these that i want..recently i've been spending a lot of money on my preparations for uk..laptop, air tickets, makeup, watch..it seems like the more i feel detached from my parents, the more stuff i tend to request from them..even those that i do not require urgently..i have let my emotional side climb over my rational side...i dont know why i just have the tendency to do all these..perhaps to feel that kind of attachment i still have with them..why is all these happening??

I'm really feeling very tired..emotionally drained..saddened by the fact that everything is happening this way. My cousin has told me that even dad doesn't give his approval, all along i've thought that he is actually ok with it, as long as i do not let it affect my studies..but i'm wrong, actually he also minds alot..now i begin to understand the sadness in his eyes..the disappointment he shows when he sees me on the phone..perhaps he's not like my mom who shows everything openly, who just utters her opinions directly..although he seldom (in fact almost never) scolded me before, I feel more guilty when he treats me this way..just had a conversation/argument with my mom for two hours, i can really feel her love for me and how much I have hurt her, how much pain she had to suffer because of me, it's really heartbreaking, i love her, really love her yet i am still hurting her this way, all my words, all my arguments with her, i feel so miserable..yes i do agree with most of what she said, yet i have my own opinions too, i just cant bring myself to do what she suggested..i simply cant, but i dont ever want these kinds of arguments to happen anymore..how many times have that happened? 10, 20 times or even more..im really tired..i need the courage..i feel so lonely when i think of myself as the only one...argh! why is this making everyone so miserable, so tired, am i doing the right thing?

假装多好
我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
一直会让我依靠
继续等待心甘情愿不想逃

假装多好
依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套




5:21 AM

~innocent always

15.8.06


Life is really very unpredictable, i've just received the news that one of my fellow scholar's brother passed away last Sun car crash. He is only 21 years old. I really can't imagine how miserable his/her parents will feel, losing their son and esp when he has just stepped into adulthood, a new phase of his life. He must be bursting with life, with dreams about the future, with love for his friends/ girlfriend and family members..yet memories were the only things he has now left for his loved ones.

We are lucky, being alive already makes us a lucky person. Stop all the complaints about not passing your driving tests, not getting the pair of shoes that you have desired, not being able to get into the dream school of yours when so many opportunities still lie before you, right before your eyes or at least the possibilities are still there. Be thankful for the morning rain that cools your day, the caring reminders from your parents, the fact that you are still alive, breathing and feeling the love of your loved ones. Tell them how much you care for them, how fortunate of you to have them around.

Very often, it is only when we have experienced losses, when we have come across it in the movies, a book or from someone's experiences that we learn to treasure our loved ones more. We should change from now on, to constantly remind ourselves how lucky we are. To treasure those around us.

2:47 PM

~innocent always

11.8.06


I have been chatting with friends whom i've not met up for a long time. it's really a great feeling to be in contact with them once more, especially when now everyone is going to embark on an all new journey. Chong: I will def try to visit u in Japan some day, maybe i can try to appeal to IE for an internship in Japan.:) then I'll be able to stay there for two whole months. Imagine feasting on sumptous Jap cusines and going shopping (even window shopping) at Shinjuku everday.hmmm:P

Haven't been doing much today, just figuring how to use Skype and chatting with my good old friends..oh yes!! I ran in the morning!..I have told myself to start exercising this week and so far, I've not let myself down. Tues: Running, Wednesday: Hiking at MacRitchie, Today: Running and not forgetting to do situps everyday. I should really get into the habit of exercsing as it really makes me quite happy and fit after I have done so. Hope I'll be able to keep up with the good habit!:)

10:39 AM

~innocent always

10.8.06


received a msg from angeline that she withdrew from architecture..i guess i should congratulate her as she has finally made the decision and garnered the support of her parents to follow her passion and her dreams:) thinking abt these mths after the a-levels and the ultimate choice of all my friends around me esp my close friends..i really feel very happy that almost everyone has got what they wanted and what they dreamt abt..be it dent..vet sci..business..economics..accountancy...life sciences..architecture..now i really realise the importance of following one's passion..no matter how you detoured along the way..how many rounds you have to take..how much deliberations..how much uncertainties..eventually we came to where we wanted to be at the very beginning...i remembered someone who once said..we have to be interested in what we do before we can do well..we've all taken the first step..and i really hope that we can all do well and take more steps closer to realising our dreams.:)..and to a very important person in my life: hang on to your dreams, put in the effort and don't give up! I believe in you:)

this few months have also made me realise the support we get from my parents...they are the people who were always there as we went through these days which felt like travelling on a roller coaster..so many rounds of hope..disappointment..anticipation...uncertainties...and finally reaching our destinations...our parents are with us at the most important moments when we make our decisions..despite numerous differences and disagreements with our parents, they are always supportive of the decisions we make..they are willing to let us pursue our dreams..willing to support us both emotionally and monetarily...each parent wants the best for their children:) Thank you mommy and daddy. was talking to them yest and it's really sad to think about leaving them having lived comfortably under their wings of tender loving care...i will work hard and try to put all these uncertainties away as it's time for me to show them that i have grown up..to lessen their worries and to not let them down..thinking abt how others younger than me leaving their parents to seek a better living, entering a future full of greater uncertainties..i am really fortunate as at least i know where i'm heading towards and all i have to do is to study well and to enrich myself in the european culture..

well there are still many preparations to be done..but i will try to face everything with a positive mind and view this time as a valuable opportunity for me to learn to take charge of my life and to learn how to be a responsible adult:)

4:31 PM

~innocent always

8.8.06


have been doing a lot of miscellaneous stuff these few days such as checking on bank account, mobile phone plans, taxi booking from heathrow in london...and today went to the ICA building with my cousin to extend her social visit pass..and calling travel agencies to book my return trip to london from singapore..and most travel agencies either said the flights were fully booked or the schedules were not available..can u believe it?? booking for a flight in jan in aug..and having most telling me that they are fully booked..and the prices they quote were scary! S1900 or even $2000 without tax..luckily managed to find one which is cheaper and available..so i made the booking..hopefully it will turn out right..

wanted to read books..but just cant seem to have the discipline when i still have so much miscellaneous and admin stuff to do...zzz...so the result is i have 5 books waiting for me to read..not counting the economics stuff...when will all the stuff be done??

as i was saying i was in the shopping mood...so again this weekend..i spent 100++ on cosmetics..a shiseido foundation cost me 60 bucks after 20% discount at metro..i wonder what they put into the powder..but was comparing bet all the rest..this seems to be the most natural and smooth powder..and i bot the esprit special edition summer palette..$39..quite worth it as it has eye shadow..blush...eye liner and lip gloss all in one and it's cute..and 12 bucks on an eye makeup remover..and have yet to getmy mascara..well not as if im going to use them often..but just had the urge to buy...oh ya!!..i bot my watch!!..finally it was a birthday present from the previous 2 years..it's pink and has a heart shape inside..nice nice!;p..well my dear mom paid for everything..thank you mommy!! ~still feeling a bit guilty..

well shall go exercise now..yes finally!! today..after nearly one yr without exercising..i have to be disciplined!..i have to!!;pwish me well

9:59 AM

~innocent always

1.8.06


stayed at home today for the whole day...spent the early afternoon talking to my mom abt insurance and london...was feeling a bit blue this morning as today is the 1st aug..which means i only have 1 month and 25 more days in sspore before i fly away to the far away and cold london..alto my parents will be going with me but they will only be there for five days before i'll be alone in a completely new place, with friends who at most only amount to the no of fingers on my hand..well i'll def get to meet new friends..but that will take some time..there's a LSE induction this sat..should be able to meet alot of singaporeans going to lse...the camp is on the 28 to 30th of aug..so sad i cant go cos i have drivin test on the 30th...so sad..it will def be a good chance for me to get to know more and to bond with the singaporeans going to lse..just hope that the transition will be smooth...and everything will be fine..i will be strong enough to tide over this period of change...

last week..spent a lot of time revamping my blog..wanted to create a new blog on msn space..so that my relatives in china can access my blog(blogspot is banned in china!!! CAN U BELIEVE IT?) well..i did create one..but not going to use it as my main blog..cos it's so user-unfriendly..i cant create my own template which is rather sad...and i cant add all the videos..songs..tag board..which i want..so i decided to only update the msn space blog when there is special events and also when i go travelling..so i will still be using my darling blogspot..which will prob be very impt to me when i go to the faraway place..i will def update more often:p

last weekend i spent quite a lot of money..im in the retro mood..bot a very retro polka dot hairband..black with white polka dots..a bronze..beady necklace and big golden earring with nice floral engravings..at diva in marina sq..then i bot a white dress..for only 30 buck!!..it was originally $59.90 but i asked the sales girl to give me a 50% discount as there was a minor tear at the side..hehe...it's very nice..and quite formal..like a cocktail dress..it's quite flowy at the bottom and it tightens at the waist...i love it!..and a pearl necklace comes with it...fits my retro mode..hehe....and i bot three very cute and pretty files yest at bugis..im in the spending mood now...i must try to control myself esp with the meagre amount of money im earning from just one student!!!

shall go and cook dinner now:)..tata






11:28 AM

~innocent always

ME

Serene
lse
hcjc'05
rgs'03

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